Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
