She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
