tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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