My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
