You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
