I'm gonna have a badass scar
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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