I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Randomize
