no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
