Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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