is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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