I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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