Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
