I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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