My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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