Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
