I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
