But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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