so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
