Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize