I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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