did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
