Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
