wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't think brook has ever known best
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
