We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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