just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
