Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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