you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
