Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
