"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
