forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
