WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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