and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
