My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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