Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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