Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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