and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this will be a night to untag.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
