Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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