You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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