She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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