Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
