Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
