I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
