if only i could text you this smell
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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