Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
