Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
