If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
