Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
