I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
