on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
