At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
