Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
