i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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