tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
