She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
