thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
