I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
