I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
