I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
