i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found your dick twin last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
