Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
