Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize