There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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