The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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