went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize