Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
