kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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