If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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