I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
