I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
