I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
