I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize