Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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