Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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