evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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