I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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