He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
